Wrinkled: the unwritten parody of the Witches of Oz
by therealgalinda
Summary: The title explains it all better than I can do. I don't want to spoil the whole plot with a tricky summary, so read it and then let me know. Rated T for language (just sometimes).
1. No One Mourns The Wicked

**AN: Hey guys, yes, as I promised this is the first chapter of the parody. I don't know if it's gonna make you laugh, but if I succeed let me know in a review, I'm kinda a proud person. I guess this will be my sole author's note in the story cuz I don't want to ruin the plot's development in some way.**

**WARNING: This parody contains EVERYTHING that could actually cross my weird mind, so be aware of it. **

**DISCLAIMER: I just own the characters I invented, but I don't own Wicked. *tear***

* * *

OZIAN N.1: ***whispers in Ozian N.2 ear*** Did you hear about her?

OZIAN N.2: ***still whispering*** Yes, she died…

OZIAN N.1: ***yells*** What?!

OZIAN N.2: I thought you were talking about the old witch.

OZIAN N.1: Which old witch?** *is confused***

OZIANS: The Wicked Witch!

ELPHABA'S FANS: She wasn't old!

OZIAN N.1: Shout up, you aren't supposed to speak.

ELPHABA'S FANS: Yes we are!

OZIAN N.2: No you're not.

ELPHABA'S FANS: ***start fighting with the two Ozians***

***THE CURTAIN IS CLOSED***

AUTHORESS 1: Sorry, we are moving on with the plot soon. ***someone throws her in the fight backstage***

***AFTER TEN MINUTES THE CURTAIN**** IS**** OPENED***

OZIAN N.1_:_ ***has a black eye***

OZIAN N.3: Look it's…

GLINDA: ***flutters in a big bubble***

OZIAN N.3: It's…

GLINDA: ***pouts*** c'mon you.

OZIAN N.3: ***whispers to Ozian 1*** What's her name?

OZIAN N.1:** *whispers back after a long time*** I think it's Sandra. ***convinced***

OZIAN N.3: Look it's Sandra!

GLINDA: It's Glinda! ***is furious***

OZIAN N.3: Where? Who's Glinda?

GLINDA: I'm Glinda!

OZIAN GIRL: ***hits Ozian n.3 with a bottle of water***

GLINDA: How did you get it? I want one. ***pouts***

AUTHORESS 2: Ahem, err… go on with the story!

GLINDA: I have my times!** *yells***

AUTHORESS 1: Go on, or you're not gonna be paid.

GLINDA: Fine. Fellow Ozians…

RANDOM GIRL: ***comes onstage***

_LET US BE GLAD! LET US BE GRATEFUL!_

***someone drags her backstage with a curve stick***

GLINDA: ***is amazed***

_ LET US REJOYCIFY THAT GOODNESS COULD SUBDUE…_

OZIAN N.2: Thank goodness! ***smiles***

AUTHORESS 1: ***is bored and eats a toast***

FREX: Thanks to the Unnamed God!** *skips on the stage, side to side, throwing roses' petals***

GLINDA: ***is shocked***

OZIANS: ***are shocked***

AUTHORESSES: ***are shocked***

AUDIENCE: ***is shocked***

GREGORY MAGUIRE: ***laughs wickedly***

OZIAN N.1: ***to Ozian n.2*** No way, I told you he was gay. Give me money.

OZIAN N.2: Duh. ***gives him money with a sad face***

GLINDA: ***clears troath*** Anyway, would please someone ask details about her death, or am I just a fool in a bubble?!

OZIANS: ***stare at each other***

OZIAN N.4: Who's dead?

OZIANS: ***scream*** The Wicked Witch!

OZIAN N.2: Glinda…

GLINDA: Yes? ***smiles happily for being consulted***

OZIAN N.2: We already know how she died.

GLINDA: ***is disappointed*** How comes?

ADELE: Rumour has it!

ADELE'S FANS: ***scream and faint***

ADELE: ***runs away***

OZIAN N.1: Hey, I wanted an autograph! ***becomes sad***

***someone throws a piece of paper on him***

OZIAN N.1: My eye! You hit me in the eye! The other good eye!

OZIAN N.2: But it's an autograph!

OZIAN N.1: Yay! ***goes offstage to put some ice on***

AUTHORESS 2: Will we ever end this?

AUTHORESS 1: ***chomps***

AUTHORESS 2: What are you eating? You are not supposed to bring food in here.

AUTHORESS 1: But I was hungry!

AUTHORESS 2: Well this- oh, is it jam? ***is amazed and eats with Authoress 1***

GELPHIE SHIPPER: Glinda, is it true you were her friend?

OZIAN N.2: Damn you, my line!

GLINDA: Who's friend? ***is confused***

ELPHABA'S FAN: Elphaba's friend!

GLINDA: Oh, yes we were best friends but then she escaped with my fiancé and we got a fight and then-

OZIANS: ***gasp*** So wicked…

OZIAN N.2: Yo, wait. Why don't you tell us the story from the beginning?

GLINDA: Yes, I'll tell you the story in details just to let you know all my deepest emotions, violating not only my privacy but also the one of the people involved in the story.

AUTHORESS 2:** *eating*** Stop desfbcriving it andbf speak the way you eat.** *speaks with her mouth plenty of food***

AUTHORESS 1: Yay, food!

AUTHORESS 2: ***shakes head***

GLINDA:** *moves the bubble down but the machine goes mad and makes her fall on the ground***

BOQ:** *runs onstage and helps her getting up***

AUDIENCE: Aaaaawwww.

BOQ: ***runs offstage scared, feeling observed***


	2. Dear Old Shiz & The Wizard and I

GLINDA: We met at school, but you must understand, it was a long time ago and we were both very young…

OZIAN N.3: Yeah, because now you're old. Need help walking granny? ***sarcastically***

OZIAN GIRL: ***hits him with the bottle of water…again.***

SHIZ STUDENTS: ***enter and start singing 'Mary had a Little Lamb'***

GALINDA: What about 'Dear Old Shiz'?

SHIZ STUDENT: We don't know the words yet.

GALINDA: Stupid plebeians…

FREX: ***enters with Elphaba with an angry face***

EVERYONE: ***whispers and gasps***

GALINDA: What's up Frexie? ***walks next to him***

FREX: I'll get mad at the ozians because with their stupidity they cut my part off. It was my only song! And also Melena and the midwife will protest for this!

MIDWIFE: Yeah. ***comes in with her hands plenty of blood***

GALINDA: ***bawls and runs among the Shiz students***

MIDWIFE: ***laughs*** Don't worry dear, it's my job.

GALINDA: So, you see, it couldn't have been easy ***stares at Elphaba***. You are green! LOL!

ELPHABA: Oh, I see you're not blind. ***smiles sarcastically***

GALINDA: ***goes next to Elphaba and smells her***

ELPHABA: Are you a girl or a Dog? ***pushes away***

GALINDA: You don't have a good smell. ***pinches her nose with a naseous face***

ELPHABA: Yes… a stupid guy threw me in the rubbish…

GALINDA: ***looks for something in her purse and a napking falls on the ground***

ELPHABA: What are you-

GALINDA:** *pulls out a bottle of pink strawberry perfume and starts spraying it***

ELPHABA: ***coughs***

AUTHORESS 1: Where did you find it?

GALINDA: Next to the mirrors!

AUTHORESS 1: It's mine, ah!

GALINDA: Not true ***pouts***

AUTHORESS 1: Yes, I got it for my B-day!

GALINDA: But now it's mine!

AUTHORESS 1:** *sighs***

GALINDA: ***picks the thing she dropped off*** Elphaba, your legs aren't green!

ELPHABA: What? ***stares*** You are right.

GELPHIE SHIPPERS: You were staring at her legs? ***fangirlize***

GALINDA: I bent to pick the napkin and saw them ***pouts***

AUTHORESS 1: Ahem, someone's missing.

BOQ: Who?

PFANNEE AND SHENSHEN: We are heeere. ***wave***

AUTHORESS 1: I wasn't talking about you!

PFANNEE AND SHENSHEN: ***sob***

AUTHORESS 1: Frex, you had wheel Nessa in while walking, do something!

FREX: ***mumbles words to himself and comes back with Nessa***

NESSA: ***sees Boq and smiles mischievously at him***

BOQ: ***is scared***

FIYERO: Where's the party? ***enters shirtless wearing a pair of sunglasses***

FIYERO'S FANS: ***scream and faint***

FIYERO: ***smirks***

AUTHORESS 2: Very nice, but you're not in this scene.

FIYERO: Okay. ***sends a kiss to Galinda and goes backstage***

BOQ: ***is jealous***

MME MORRIBLE: ***enters***

GALINDA: Eeeew, who are you?

MME MORRIBLE: I'm Madame Morrible and I'm an alcohol-addicted.

ALL: Hi Madame Morrible.

MME MORRIBLE: Today are two months I don't drink alcoholics.

ELPHABA: Good job!

MME MORRIBLE: Thanks** *smiles and pulls out a bottle of whisky*** And now let's celebrate ***she drinks all the bottle in few seconds***

GALINDA: ***bawls***

ELPHABA AND EVERYONE ELSE: ***are scared and gasp***

MME MORRIBLE: ***passes the sleeve of her dress on her mouth***

COSTUMER: You are paying for it!

FREX: A present… for you, my dear daughter. ***gives Nessa ruby slippers***

NESSA: Jewelled shoes! ***kisses them weirdly***

GALINDA: ***stares and mumbles*** I want them.

ELPHABA: ***clears troath***

FREX:** *stares at her blankly, then remembers*** Oh, and this is for you. ***hands her a little box***

ELPHABA: Fo-for me? You shouldn't have- ***opens the present and finds in it a piece of paper***

FREX: ***runs away***

GALINDA: What does it say?

ELPHABA: Hush, pink bubbly blonde.

GALINDA: Artichoke!

ELPHABA: ***reads out loud*** Dear Elphaba, I'm gay. Love, Your Father.

VOICE FROM BACKSTAGE: I told you!

ELPHABA: ***shakes head and tears it into pieces throwing them on the ground***

EFFIE TRINKET: Manners!

MME MORRIBLE: Well, for the assignment of the rooms I'll let you choose by yourself.

AUTHORESS 1: Hem, did you read the script?

MME MORRIBLE: ***laughs*** That's funny I can't read!

AUTHORESS 1: Well, it says you make Elphaba and Galinda room together and you take Nessa with you.

MME MORRIBLE: ***still laughing*** Okay! So you ***points at Elphaba***, green pear, room with the blonde bubbly pink girl ***points at Galinda*.**

GALINDA: What do you all have against blondes? ***cries***

MME MORRIBLE: And you, honey, ***points Nessa*** will stay with me.

_LIVE IN MY ROOM, I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND… BE MY BABY, AND I'LL COVER YOOOOOU._

NESSA: Gross! ***screams*** And you have a terrible voice, too.

MME MORRIBLE: ***takes the control of the wheelchair***

ELPHABA: Let the disable girl go! ***uses magic to lead the chair back to her* **

GALINDA: How did she do that?

MME MORRIBLE: How did she do that?

BOQ: How did she do that?

FIYERO: ***from backstage* **How did she do that?

ELPHABA: How did I do that?

GALINDA: ***pokerface***

NESSA: Asdfervnktfrgtvj.

MME MORRIBLE: ***to Elphaba*** Never apologize for talent!

ELPHABA: I didn't apologize for-

MME MORRIBLE: Oh, Miss Elphaba… ***sings her part of the song***

GALINDA: I want to be in you seminary!

MME MORRIBLE: You can't. It's a club for nerdy people, and you're not.

ELPHABA: Hey!

MME MORRIBLE: ***exits***

EVERYONE: ***follows her***

ELPHABA: ***has a weird expression on her face*** _DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?_

VOICE FROM BACKSTAGE: No, it didn't.

AUTHORESS 2: Silence!

ELPHABA: _THE WIZARD AND…_

***suspense***

ELPHABA: ***goes offstage***

AUTHORESSES: ***exchange wondering glances***

ELPHABA:** *comes back*** _IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIII_ ***dances*** _IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_ ***kneels with opened arms*** _IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_

GALINDA: ***throws a book at Elphaba***

ELPHABA:_ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_ ***collapses* **


End file.
